Essays from West of 98: Check On Your People
WARNING: this is an important mental health post that covers some topics that readers may find difficult.
I had an essay queued up this week that expanded on Wendell Berry’s ideas and how leaning in to localism might be the path toward rural prosperity in an ever-changing world. We’re going to postpone that to next week, if you do not mind, because I want to expand on another topic.
I am writing this essay on Tuesday morning (September 28). Yesterday, I shared some sad news about a friend who took his life over the weekend. That post speaks for itself and I encourage you to go read my sentiments therein. But during the day, I had several conversations with friends and with other folks who were friends with this person. We were each struggling to comprehend what happened. I still do not know. But I feel called to reiterate a few inner thoughts I had yesterday, because they are relevant to my past essays on mental health.
Mental health is a tricky thing because it is such an inward-facing issue. Unless mental wellness is taking a physical toll on a person (it can and does) or unless a person is truly forthcoming with their internal struggles, we do not truly know how they are doing. Unless we are good at self-reflection (and many of us are not), we might not even know how *WE* are doing. Our society has done a terrible job of marginalizing mental health struggles. We are told to shake it off, push past it, be strong, get over it. Those forms of “encouragement” might mean well, but they are unhelpful. They only reinforce that a mental health struggle is not “real” or that we are not good/strong/smart/brave/worthy enough to conquer life’s struggles.
Let’s stop right here and say that is an absolute lie from the pit of Hell. You + me + all of us are absolutely good/strong/smart/brave/worthy enough and do not let anyone—whether it be someone else, your own brain, or Satan—tell you otherwise.
As I have studied mental health from a layman’s perspective, I see how folks repress struggles in different ways. Substance abuse is a coping method and is frightfully connected to mental health, but we also cope in other ways. People may withdraw from interaction or struggle to do the things they were once passionate about, but that is not all. As several of us discussed, our late friend was posting on Twitter just this weekend about a research project that he was undertaking as part of his doctoral program and he seemed exuberant about the topic.
I will not attempt to guess my friend’s mindset, because I do not know. I will speak from my own perspective here, because I thought deeply about it yesterday. Coping with or repressing a mental health struggle can manifest in different ways, based on our personality. Sometimes people pour themselves into their work, or into a topic about which they are passionate, as a form of distraction from other issues. I have done it myself. I distinctly remember taking deep dives into reading on the most random topics while I was in law school, because it was a coping mechanism for the stresses and anxieties I felt at the time. Sometimes, I have done the same in my professional life, when my to-do list is so long and frightful that I do not know where to begin.
Remember, mental health struggles do not begin with severe challenges. Sometimes they start in simple ways and build up over time to become a bigger problem We all cope in different ways with the stresses and anxieties of life. That is quite alright, but we cannot let our coping methods repress our struggles until they boil over into harmful decisions. Yesterday, I called on my readers to check on their people. Please do that, but make sure you check on the ones who are seemingly exceling in life, too. We do not know who is struggling, how they are struggling, and how they might be coping unbeknownst to you. A well-timed hello from a friend, a random encouraging comment on a social media post (even if you’ve never met them in person) might go a long, long way.
If you are struggling personally and don’t have an outlet for help, please call 800-273-8255, visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 right now. Be well, friends. Next week, localism!
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the West of 98 website and podcast. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com and subscribe to West of 98 wherever podcasts are found.