What is the “correct” way to celebrate Christmas?
Does it require a grand and lavish feast that adheres to Christmas tradition (figgy pudding, anyone?) or a simple spread of your family’s favorites? Should you go with a living Christmas tree with a few adornments or a flocked artificial tree covered in garland and lights and doused with tinsel? Does it involve a few strands of Christmas lights or does it necessitate 250 strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights (shout out to you if you get the reference)?
Yes.
If you have read my writing for a Christmas season, you know that I have mixed feelings for all the “stuff” that comes associated with Christmas. Over the years, I have somewhat leaned into it in hopes of sharing in a manner that will benefit others who also have mixed feelings. Earlier this year, my friend Dan Stewart and I launched “The Rural Church and State Podcast.” We are still feeling it out, but it has been an enjoyable project so far. We just released a Christmas episode in which we work out some of the contradictions of the Christmas season. We embrace the message of hope that comes at Christmas while dealing with the difficult human emotions of grief, anxiety, insecurity, and more.
In this conversation, we talked a little bit about the wide scope of Christmas celebrations, from the monastic to the simple to the ordinary to the lavish. It occurs to me that there is no real “correct” way to celebrate Christmas other than that which makes you and your family happy. There’s just not. In the glory days of 1990s television sitcoms, the great “Home Improvement” always saw Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor waging war at Christmas with his neighbor Doc Johnson, to see who had the best display of Christmas lights. Fun competition is good and if done right, it can bolster community spirit. Then there’s the other kind of competition, which can be deeply unhealthy and which spreads across the internet like a cancer: posed, performative holiday perfection through social media posts.
You know your holidays are not perfect. The other people viewing your holiday posts know that your holidays aren’t perfect (because their holidays aren’t perfect either), but we push forward in the name of “likes” anyway.
If I got one solid takeaway from my podcast conversation with Dan, it was to embrace just living in the holiday moment. Dan pointed out that we rarely remember a single specific gift that we received at Christmas during our childhood, but we definitely remember the memories of being with the people who gave us those gifts. That is a pretty powerful testament to what really matters at Christmas. “Stuff” can be fun. Decorations, meals, and parties can be enjoyable. There’s no “correct” way to do those, so pick a path that you enjoy. It is far more important to remember the people that you do those things with. Those memories that will linger throughout the years to come.
If you are in a changing season of life, it is okay. Embrace the difficult human emotions of Christmas. You do not have to pretend that everything is perfect when it is not. Some traditions may no longer be available because certain people are no longer around. That’s alright. Make new traditions with others. Check on the people who need checking on. Invite them to your celebration.
The Christmas season can be challenging. It can also be very special. However you define that is up to you, not social media or anyone else. Remember why we celebrate Christmas and then celebrate it in a manner that will make positive memories that you never forget.
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the West of 98 website and the Rural Church and State and West of 98 podcasts. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com and subscribe to him wherever podcasts are found.