We don’t like to talk about death in our society.
There are legitimate reasons why humans shy away from confronting death. Death recalls grief we feel for loved ones. Death is an inevitability from which there is no return or do-over (at least here on Earth). To some people, myself included, death is a foreboding concept to master with a feeble human mind. That death is a difficult topic makes it no less present in life. When we avoid confronting the idea of death, we devalue it. In doing so, we lessen the value of life itself. Life has such meaning, power, and value BECAUSE of death that comes at the end, not in spite of it.
This was illustrated particularly well by farmer, butcher, and podcaster Kate Kavanaugh on her Mind, Body, and Soil Podcast, which is one of the best things you can find in your neighborhood podcast store. In a recent speech at a regenerative agriculture conference in Fredericksburg, Texas (which was replayed on her podcast), Kate said something poignant:
“Death is something that has been taken from us. It has been hidden and tucked away between the four walls of hospice and hospitals…we also no longer hunt for our food. We no longer have the opportunities to bear witness to this incredibly important part of the cycle of life and it is that…life into death into decay and into rebirth.”
It has not always been this way. Frankly, we are worse off as a people as a result. As Kate describes, the opportunity and necessity to hunt for food (or raise it in its entirety) is a deeply powerful and sacred thing. It comes with great responsibility for the consequences of that decision and to use well the products of the hunt. There is an Appalachian tradition that I have written about before. They call it “Decoration Day.” It is just as it implies, a day in which living family members decorate the graves of their deceased loved ones. Far from a silent remembrance, Decoration Day is a family reunion in a cemetery. Family members from near and far gather to venerate the buried dead and celebrate the living descendants and their family folkways. These remembrances still occur, though they are less common than they once were. That is a function of old-timey traditions fading with the aging of a population, but I also suspect that it coincides with our societal attempts to disconnect life from death and shuffle death off behind closed doors and out of family celebration.
That brings me to Memorial Day. This remembrance has several roots, including the Decoration Day tradition. As many know, Memorial Day itself was originally called Decoration Day and only formally assumed the current moniker in 1967. Memorial Day honors those who gave their lives in service to our country. It is no easy task to contemplate such a death in a manner that truly honors the sacrifice. These are not abstract characters in a war movie. These are real humans who had hopes and dreams that were given up in lieu of a final sacrifice for fellow man. Each had family and friends who never saw them again. Many had spouses who were suddenly widowed and children who were without a parent. It is no small task to give your life in defense of freedom, in a war that you did not start and over which you have no control.
We can truly honor that sacrifice by considering the depth, meaning, and inevitability of death and its role within life. When we avoid talking about or facing death, and as we tuck it away out of sight, then we diminish the sacrifices which we honor on Memorial Day.
Sanitizing and avoiding the idea of death does not make life happier. Actually, it does the opposite. By reckoning with death as a part of the life cycle, we can better appreciate the fullness and importance of a life well lived. We appreciate our own life, the lives of other humans, and the lives of all in Creation. Thus, by truly valuing life, we are also better able to appreciate the sacrifice of those who gave up their own life in service. That is the best way to ensure that these lives were not given in vain.
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the West of 98 website and podcast. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com and subscribe to West of 98 wherever podcasts are found.
Well said. I touched on the Decoration Day history in a piece I wrote as well.
https://open.substack.com/pub/carnivorousmind/p/memorial-day-reflections?r=jkbvm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web