Essays from West of 98: It Does Not Look Bad
WARNING: this essay discusses an important topic that might be difficult for some to read.
This is not the essay I intended to write. On Sunday afternoon, I had a first draft all sketched out on a yellow pad. On Sunday night, my agenda changed. It changed when my wife turned on Oprah Winfrey’s primetime interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. To be clear, this essay is not about the British royal family. I have enough headaches in my own life without worrying about their troubles. This essay is about a topic that I have discussed before and which was brought into explosive detail in the televised interview.
On Sunday night, Meghan Markle revealed that her personal misery had sapped her mental health and led to thoughts of suicide and self-harm. With millions of people watching on national television, Mrs. Markle said, “I just didn’t see a solution. I just did not want to be alive anymore. Any that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.”
First, God bless Mrs. Markle for having the courage to publicly share her own mental health struggles. As we have discussed in this space, mental illness doesn’t have a “type.” It affects every demographic—men and women, rich and poor, famous and unknown, the pretty and not-so-pretty—equally and without mercy. Mrs. Markle is rich, famous, personable, and beautiful. She seemingly “has it all.” And yet, she told the entire world that she, too, struggled with her mental health and contemplated ending her own life. It became so serious that she knew she had to tell her husband or she would attempt suicide. When she told him, she made herself attend a royal function that night because she knew that she could not be safely left alone.
What came next was jaw dropping. Mrs. Markle went to the royal family’s advisers and employees for help. In fact, described herself as begging and pleading for mental health assistance, because her situation was that dire. They told her no. They told her that there was nothing they could do and, if she sought help, it would make the royal family look bad. You read that correctly. Mrs. Markle was considering suicide. She asked for help from the people who were ostensibly capable of getting her professional help, and they refused, because a royal family member struggling with mental health would have looked bad.
This made me sad and angry for Mrs. Markle. As I reflected on her words, I was hit with a sobering thought. How many people in our own circles have cried out for help with their mental health and been rejected by people they love and/or respect? How many people have been afraid to ask for help because they fear that rejection? How many people fear that their mental illness will make their family, their friends, their business, and their professional institutions “look bad”? How many people were slapped in the face last night by Mrs. Markle’s words, because even though they are not married to royalty, they knew exactly how she felt?
Folks, I bet her story was more relatable to more people than any of us possibly know. If you do not think that anyone in your circle—friends, families, co-workers, fellow churchgoers—struggles with their mental health, I encourage you to look again. I also encourage you to look inward. If YOU are the one struggling, it is okay. I pray that Meghan Markle’s honesty gives you the courage to ask for help. It did not “look bad” for her to need help and it will not “look bad” for you to need help either. If anyone disagrees, send them my way and I will be glad to support you. If you are struggling personally and do not have an outlet for help, please call 800-273-8255, visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741. You can go to speakingofsuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
If you are tired of my mental health essays, well, I’m not sorry. Too many people are struggling and terrified to ask for help and if I do nothing else in this world, I want to do my part to end the stigma of mental illness, particularly in rural communities.
It is okay to not be okay. Take care of yourself. Reach out for help. Make sure others know that you are a safe resource for help. And above all, if you need help, let me be clear: it does not look bad.
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the “West of 98” website and forthcoming podcast. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com.