Essays from West of 98: Speak Up and Speak Out
Graphics courtesy of RAINN.org
WARNING: this essay might be difficult for some to read.
I am writing this essay on Monday, April 19. Yesterday, as I got home from church, I checked my Twitter timeline to see if anything interesting was happening. I was saddened to see that a portion of Austin was being advised to stay at home, as a gunman had taken three lives and was on the run. Thankfully, the gunman was apprehended later in the afternoon without further incident. All the details are not known at this time, but it seems that at least one of the victims was a family member of the gunman and that the situation started as a domestic violence incident.
As you know, and as I have written in the past, I find domestic violence to be a very important topic. Leaders of all stripes—elected, business, nonprofit, and faith—should work to advocate for victims and to shine a light onto the darkness of domestic violence that is far too pervasive across our country.
Here’s the thing, folks. There are plenty of issues in the world that are easy to pass off as “other” people. “It doesn’t happen to people like me,” you say, and you move on with your life. As I’ve written before, that does NOT apply to domestic violence. Domestic violence is the great equalizer in our society. One-third of American women and one-fourth of American men are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. Rich or poor. Rural, urban, or suburban. Every ethnic group. Educated or uneducated. This statistic holds steady through virtually every demographic of our society. There is no group more prone to domestic violence than another. We’re all equally prone to it and WAY too prone to it at that.
Violence between intimate partners accounts for 15% of all violence crime in America and 19% of domestic violence incidents involve a weapon (as seen in this sad incident in Austin over the weekend. It also happens that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Domestic violence and sexual assault are deeply intertwined. Did you know that one in five women are survivors of sexual assault? And that one in three teenagers will experience sexual or physical abuse (or the threat of it) from a girlfriend or boyfriend during any given year? The “Me Too” movement has gotten a lot of press in recent years and we have seen some extremely famous and powerful people fall from grace as a result.
But let us set aside the celebrities for a minute. Have you (especially if you are a man reading this) ever asked the women in your life if they have been victimized by sexual assault (or an attempt at one? Have you ever asked them if they have been groped in an elevator or experienced unwanted advances in an ostensibly professional setting? If you have never inquired, the prevalence of these incidents will stun you and frankly, make you want to vomit with sickness and disgust.
I would much rather write about access to broadband internet or economic development or any number of rural topics that interest me. I do not particularly enjoy topics like domestic violence and sexual assault. But I feel called to speak out and speak up on behalf of those who need a voice and to those who need to hear these words. Too many of our friends, neighbors, and loved ones are survivors of domestic violence and/or sexual assault and they are reluctant to speak up and tell their story out of fear of social stigmas that are attached. As a result, those folks and so many others remain threatened by these despicable behaviors.
It is time that leaders stand up and speak out to say that we will no longer tolerate domestic violence and sexual assault in our communities and in our society. I do not know the full story of what led to these deaths in Austin over the weekend, but I do know that it is an indicator of something that is far too prevalent throughout our society.
The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7 by calling 800-656-HOPE or by chatting online at online.rainn.org. If you are a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault or under threat, please reach to these resources or someone you trust. If you, like me, care about the well-being of others in our community, please join me in speaking out and speaking up.
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the “West of 98” website and forthcoming podcast. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com.