Essays From West of 98: The Trouble With Toughness
May is Mental Health Awareness Month in America, so I would be remiss not to devote one of this week’s essays to my recurring thoughts on mental health in rural America. In this space, I have previously mentioned my friend Shannon Ferrell. He’s a professor at Oklahoma State University and a nationally renowned farm and ranch estate and succession planning, which means he’s also a leading expert in the complicated intergenerational feelings and emotions of rural America.
Drovers Magazine (one of America’s leading livestock publications) recently published a powerful article by Jennifer Shike entitled “Toxic Grit: Is Our Greatest Strength Our Greatest Weakness on the Farm?” This article featured the wisdom of Professor Ferrell which he recently shared in an online seminar with agriculture producers. Shike opens with the phrase, “suck it up, buttercup,” a familiar instruction to be tough, resilient, and self-reliant. Professor Ferrell points out that this mentality is not inherently bad. Independence helps us in many aspects of life, but he notes that this mindset can also teach us to be inward-facing. I have heard him say to crowds, “we in rural America are not good at talking about our feelings.” Professor Ferrell says when we struggle, there’s a stigma against talking about our feelings. We do not want to be judged or misunderstood, so we suffer in silence.
Professor Ferrell points out that agriculture is particularly stressful. The work is often physically demanding and regularly requires interaction with dangerous equipment and animals. Many outcomes are determined by the weather or crop prices, which are totally out of our individual control. There’s a lot that can weigh on a person. The job often requires solitary work. That gives us time alone with our thoughts, which is not always healthy. Professor Ferrell says that we must be able to deal with everything that comes from operating in agriculture, but humans don’t have an unlimited ability to process stress, trouble, and trauma without some sort of coping mechanism or support. If you are familiar with the impacts of stress and mental health, you know that substance abuse is one of our foremost coping mechanisms in rural America, which leads to addiction and its negative consequences on individuals, their families, and the community at large.
The Drovers article notes that each year in America, one in five adults will experience a mental health issue, but sadly, two-thirds of those will not seek treatment. One in twenty five Americans will experience a mental health issue so severe that it impacts their ability to work, interact with family, or carry out life’s regular activities. In essence, they are incapacitated from normal life.
That’s the trouble with toughness. It can be a good thing. It can help us achieve our goals and overcome challenges that life throws our way. But we cannot let it turn toxic. If we do, and if we refuse to process our struggles, it can take us to unhealthy and even dangerous places in our mind.
Professor Ferrell told his audience “one of the most important things we can do in agriculture is erase the stigma associated with mental illness. We can let people know it is okay to talk about emotions, to talk about mental health, and to talk about getting help.” This is good advice for agriculture but also for rural America at large.
What better time than the present, in the middle of Mental Health Awareness Month, to work on that very thing? Every time I write about mental health in these essays, I am heartened by the courage of readers who respond both privately and publicly to share their own mental health struggles. If you have ever shared your story with another person, believe me, you are impacting others in ways that you may not even realize.
It is okay to talk about our emotions. Do not let some ideal of toughness turn toxic in your life. Do not be afraid to be real and raw with yourself and with folks you trust. If you do that, you’ll help yourself and others more than you know.
James Decker is the Mayor of Stamford, Texas and the creator of the West of 98 website and podcast. Contact James and subscribe to these essays at westof98.substack.com and subscribe to West of 98 wherever podcasts are found.